Dear Girls Finally Ready To Date Nice Guys: We Don’t Want You Anymore

Dear Nice Guy, I Wasn’t Ready For You Before — But I Am Now

By Isabel Chalmers

Dear Nice Guy,

I don’t know you yet but I’m so ready to date you. Seriously, I am. For a long time, I dated bad boys. Yes, I was that girl you blame for always coming in last. I guess I dated bad boys because, somehow, I liked their unavailability, sexy sideways glances, and late-night calls. I fed off the chase and mystery they provided me. I saw them as a challenge that I always happily accepted. Let me tell you, I’ve dated so many jerks throughout the years. A lot of times, I ended up being disappointed with how it ended with them, and wondered why I always had such blind optimism about these guys I clearly knew were jerks to begin with. But to be honest, I don’t regret any of it now.

I learned a lot from each and every one of those bad boys. I learned something from every un-answered text, from every “I’m just not looking for a relationship” talk, and from every lame excuse as to why he just couldn’t make to my house party until after 1 am. I guess I never let the jerks get to me. I realized it was never me; it was always them. I was born with an abundance of self-confidence. Maybe that’s why I was never too bothered by each guy who was a jerk to me. Maybe it was because I was smart enough to realize I never actually wanted to end up with a jerk. It was always you I wanted, Nice Guy.

With all that being said, I’m ready to date a Nice Guy. I’ve learned all the lessons I need to learn from bad boys. I now have the ability to distinguish between when to give up on a relationship and when to fight harder. I know all the excuses and lies and can see when it’s right to say a big ‘f*ck you’ or an ‘okay, I’ll let you make it up to me.’ I know what it’s like get all dressed up for a night out only to sit in your room watching Netflix, crying and staring at your phone because the person you had plans with never showed. And that a “got too drunk sorry” text is not a sufficient excuse or apology. I know all these things. My mom always said that the problem with people who end up unhappy is that they don’t know how to walk away from something that has already served it purpose. Well, I can see now that bad boys have served all the purpose they possibly could in my life and that it’s time for me to learn a new lesson. I want to learn from you, Nice Guy.

It’s time for me to learn what its like to have someone to fall back on when I feel weak. It’s time for me to understand what its like to open up to someone without the fear that I’ll be emotionally shamed or that it will scare them away. It’s time for me to understand why people write love songs or tear up at the end of the notebook. I want to know what it’s like to be desired for more than my body, for someone to look at me with passionate eyes, slowly but surely falling in love with my mind, body and soul.

I want to know what it’s like to have someone who will always show up, who will always make time for me and who will always respect me. I want to know what it’s like to be able to count on someone, and know that even though love is never safe, I will be safely hurt by them. Mostly, I know I can learn all these things from you, Nice Guy.

I don’t want anyone thinking I hate bad boys. I don’t hate them; I’m just done with them. I have to thank bad boys for a lot actually. Bad boys have taught me how to depend on myself. How to pick up my broken pieces. They’ve allowed me to secure the perfect break-up remedy. Booze, friends, rebounds, cry, workout, acceptance, find new bad boy, repeat.

I understand myself so much better because of these bad boys. I know what I’m like at my worst. But I’m ready to know what I’m like at my best.

I promise you this, Nice Guy: I don’t know you yet, but I will be a nice girl to you in return. I will show you what you’re like at you’re best. I will treat you with the respect you deserve and will always answer your call when you need me. I will show you what all those bitchy girls couldn’t.

So, I guess all there is left to say is…

I’m ready whenever you are. 

Dear Girls Who Are (Finally) Ready To Date Nice Guys: We Don’t Want You Anymore

By Leo Steven

You had your chance on our first (and only) date. I held the door open for you and bought you dinner at that 5-star restaurant you so slyly worked into the conversation. You looked amazing and I went all out to impress you. You walked through the door I held open for you without a thank you or really any acknowledgement of my little gesture.

I asked you about your hopes and dreams and listened to you bitch about your ex-boyfriend as you ordered that $100 bone-in ribeye and the wine with the fancy vintage you just had to try. You finished the wine but took most of the steak home in a doggy bag. I only now realize that it was the ex-boyfriend you were texting all evening, I hope he enjoyed the steak I bought him. By the way that “emergency call” you got after dinner didn’t fool anyone. I’m not stupid, unlike most of the guys you’ve dated.

I was wonderful to you, I was a gentleman. I treated you with respect, like a lady deserves to be treated. I enjoyed your company and you had my full attention. I didn’t expect anything in return except a chance to win your heart. I’m stable, I’m a good provider, I want marriage and kids in my future. I’m the man of your dreams, but you couldn’t see that. Or maybe you just didn’t care. You were pretty preoccupied with your texting.

But now you’re ready to date me? Really? You’ll excuse me if I’m not jumping for joy. You’ve dissed me, rejected me, took advantage of me, dodged my goodnight kiss and couldn’t wait to get away from me. Now suddenly you want me? Sorry, I’m not buying it.

I get it though, now that you’re on the downside of 30, the wrinkles are starting, the body is sagging and you have stretch marks and that c-section scar from pushing out that bad boy’s rugrat. I know it was impossible to see that that deadbeat irresponsible jerk was actually a deadbeat irresponsible jerk, but that’s not my problem. While you were waiting for those texts that never came I was busy getting my career in order and maximizing my credit score. Now my biggest issue is deciding which color Audi I’m going to buy. Why in the world would I choose to take on you and your problems?

In your twenties you barely gave me the time of day. Meanwhile you were jumping in bed with any guy with a neck tattoo or a prison record. Why would I date you? I know where you’ve been, and I hope you’ve been tested. From the trail of bad boys and the mistreatment you tolerated, no, invited into your life and seeing all the drama you created for yourself, I can only conclude that you don’t need a nice guy, you need therapy! I’m a simple guy and like my life uncomplicated. You are the human embodiment of drama and chaos, I’d have to be crazier than, well… YOU to take on your baggage.

Face it, you’d get sick of me and my nice guy ways. I’ll remember your birthday and our anniversary and I’ll buy you flowers on both. I’ll treat you with respect and you’ll get bored. I know damn well you’re going to end up cheating on me, and I don’t plan on giving you half my stuff when you do. I work hard for what I have and now that I’ve achieved a little success I would love someone to share my life with. But that’s not going to be you. You thought I wasn’t worthy of you back then and I feel you’re not worthy of me now.

Now that the bad boys have used you up and moved on to women 10 years younger, so have I. It’s a funny thing, now that I’ve achieved a little success, drive a nice car and have stability in my life, I’m getting attention from those girls too. I don’t need you anymore. I’m not in the mood to deal with you, your issues, or your ex and his issues. I’m not looking to help you raise the mini-me version of some guy you used to bang. I want my own children someday, not the offspring of Mr. Neck Tattoo.

Truth is though, I’m happy for you. I really am. It’s about time you matured and came to your senses about the thugs and losers you just couldn’t resist. But I wasn’t sitting by the phone waiting for you to realize I’m a great guy. I wrote you off long ago. You’ve learned some important lessons and so have I. In fact you taught me one, you taught me not to date girls like you.

Speaking for the nice guys out there, you’re too late.

We want a good girl not some bad boy’s leftovers. And the fact that you’re still out there dating tells me the bad boys don’t want you either. Enjoy dressing your cat up for Halloween and cherish your bad boy memories, I hope they keep you warm at night. I’m just not that into you anymore.